I am writing this as my life is just so unbelievable, that sometimes even I'd have to see it in black and white to know that it is for real. I'm a single, female and a graduate, hence the blog name. Today's glimpse into my mind is about my love life (or lack therof).
So, first things first. Never. tell. a. friend. you. love. them.
It happened like this - I drank too much, and spouted a story, that if I'm honest, could have been dwelling in the dark corners of my mind for years. Basically, when highly intoxicated, I pitched the idea to my friend that we should :
a. Get married
b. I tried my name with his name (which has a nice 'j-j' ring to it I'd like to add)
c. Told him I would move in with him and shine his shoes for him in the morning
d. Told him i'd loved him for 7 years (which I then counted out, and this had actually been the amount of time I had known him for :S)
e. Told him I wanted to have his little ginger children
f. Various other items of embarassment which I have selectively forgotten / definitely should not write here.
The problem I have now is:
a. Did I mean it? Obviously I hadn't thought of it all in this much detail, but do I actually love/like this guy? Or has all the alcohol just killed m braincells and minimised my capacity to think rationally?
b. Did I not mean it? If so, where did it all come from? I should probably start creative writing / sales, as the ability to think on my feet in this case was second to none.
c. How is our friendship going to be affected by this?
Ginger babies, or no ginger babies, I love this guy. It's meant a lot to me when he has bought me presents for Valentine's day, or cooked me my favourite meal each time we meet. He does many little things that he probably doesn't think I notice, but I do. I want - no, I need him in my life.
I guess only time will time. He insists nothing is wrong, but I know there is. I don't want to lose him.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :(
Until next time :)
